TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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