So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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