I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
