If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
