I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
