he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
