My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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