1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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