We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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