My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
