I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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