Midget sex pt 2 tonight
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
