4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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