im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
