I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Randomize