next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
