i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Two words: blizzard sex
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
