matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
