I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend