You made me cry and you don't even care
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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