I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice