Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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