He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
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Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
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Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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