We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
