he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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