i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
