he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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