I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
