His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
