It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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