a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
