Jerry, you need to find god
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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