I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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