I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
