Im at strip club and am horny
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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