Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
