Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
i think my cat just said my name.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
