Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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