I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
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Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.