So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
