My boss' voice literally gives me gas
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Randomize