I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
i out mim tonsoeep
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