I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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