my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
