Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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