where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
