you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I lost the right to judge tonight
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
