I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
ttyl tear gas
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
