so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
