I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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