Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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