bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
