I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
