Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
FUCK WHALES
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
