i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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