I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
