I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
