remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
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How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
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My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.