i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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