I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Randomize
