here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Apple has a Lot to Explain to iPhone X Customers
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
People Asked The Internet Questions About their Private Parts And The Results Are Hilarious
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.