I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Randomize
