you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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