I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
