I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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