dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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