ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
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Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
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You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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