It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
