Is it normal to miss your booty call?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
My feet surprised me
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
